While hellos and handshakes used to be the way to greet and goodbye, hugs have become the new norm in recent years. I think it’s interesting because, to me, hugs signify affection, not “hello.” I hug close friends and family, but nowadays that’s not enough. After researching the topic of “hugging” for this blog, I learned quite a few unwritten rules about hugging etiquette. Here’s what I learned:

When it comes to good friends… If you are good friends and haven’t seen each other in while: hug. The same goes for saying goodbye. If you are not going to see the friend for a long time, give them a hug. If you see one another regularly, hello and goodbye will suffice.

When it comes to acquaintances… A simple hello or handshake will do. However, if you spend an extended period of time with an acquaintance, it makes sense to depart with a hug.

When it comes to greeting a big group… If you arrive somewhere to find a big group of friends and acquaintances, shake the hands of those you are just meeting and hug your friends.

When you are in a professional setting… It’s best to err on the safe side and not hug unless you are at an after-hours function or holiday party and the occasion seems appropriate. Regardless, it’s always best to ask when you find yourself in a work-related setting.

When you are the host of a party… It’s generally expected that you hug friends upon arrival and departure and greet new faces with a kind and inviting handshake.

General Rules of Hugging

1. Never assume.
2. Take a cue from body language.
3. Consider the setting and the frequency.
4. Be considerate of other peoples’ boundaries.
5. Types of Hugs: For family and close friends, two arm hugs are fine. For everyone else, it’s best to give a one-arm hug. Be careful not to linger with one-arm hugs—2 to 3 seconds is perfect.

Have you had an awkward hugging moment before? Tell me about it in the comments below…

XO Lauren

P.S. Going on a first date soon? Click here for my full breakdown on the dos and don'ts of first date etiquette!

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If you’re reading this, it means that I am already off on my big trip to Tanzania. Each way, the flight is roughly 30 hours. Yikes. That said, while flying comes second nature to me (I fly to NYC once a month or more), I’ve learned my fair share of travel tips and mid-air manners for life at 30,000 feet. Today, I am going to dish my tips on in-flight etiquette. According to a recent study, half of airplane travelers surveyed are most annoyed by: 1. Fellow passenger's poor hygiene, 2. Kicking the back of airplane seats, and 3. Deplaning before those seated in front of you. While I'm sure all of you have lovely up-in-the-air etiquette, I thought it might be nice to go over the basics. So think of this as your “go graceful” travelers guide…

1. Carry low & light. If possible, check your bags. If you do carry-on, hold your bag low so as not to knock your neighbors as you make your way to your seat.
2. Use your overhead. Real estate is valuable on an airplane, so pack your goodies into the overhead compartment that correlates with your seat. I cannot tell you how many times I have spotted people jamming their things into the compartments toward the front of the plane (far away from their seats). Now what do all those people at the front of the plane do? Simply put, be courteous.
3. Sprawl slowly. Only recline once the crew has stated that it is safe to do so. When you do recline, do it slowly. No need to surprise the person sitting behind you with a quick jolt.
4. Get over grabbing. Try your best not to grab the headrest of the seat in front of you as your make your way to and from your spot. It’s annoying, isn’t it?
5. The armrest debate. There are a few ways to deal if you find yourself in the center seat: A) You share with your neighbors, B) You claim one right off the bat, C) Hopefully the two end seats will feel bad for you (you know, since you’re “stuck in the middle”) and just let you have both of them.
6. Chatty Cathy and Silent Susie. Depending on who you end up next to, be sure to navigate such encounters with grace. If you are too tired to chat or too anxious not to, take a clue from (or give one to) your neighbor.
7. Smells & stinks. Be mindful and don’t bring smelly food onto the plane such as fast food, stinky garlic hummus or sticky buns etc. Also, don’t wear perfume or lotions that are particularly overpowering either. Your fellow travellers will thank you!
8. Turn it down. While that new Ellie Goulding remix may be amazing, you don’t need to share it with the rest of the plane. Remember that other passengers can often hear what you’re listening to on your headphones if they're blasting.
9. Bring your own books (or entertainment). How creepy is it when you realize lazy Larry hasn’t been sleeping the past 3 hours…instead, you realize, he’s been reading The Hunger Games with you! No thank you.
10. Don’t be a diva (or a drunk). Remember, everyone is in the same boat—err, plane—so act accordingly. Things might not go your way, but it’s important to behave and be as lovely as possible. I like to think a Zen-like attitude will influence those around me.

If you have any other frequent flyer pet peeves to air or suggestions to share, tell me in comments below.

Speaking of flying, if you could visit 3 locations (anywhere in the world) where would you go?

Fly fabulously ladies!

XO Lauren

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Imagine you’ve just sat down to an insanely romantic dinner with prince charming. (Let’s be honest, you totally won him over with your impeccable manners during the first date.) He’s taken you to the nicest joint in town. Just as you get settled in and catch one another’s eye, a loud screech interrupts your gaze: A woman at a nearby table drags her teeth along her fork. The sound is piercing. Next thing you know, the electronic tune to “Baby Got Back” fills the room as a cellphone buzzes against white china. WHAT IS GOING ON? No manners, that’s what.

There are certain do’s and don’ts when dining out. Things that many of us forget to consider. Below is my Ladylike Laws guide to dining out:

Arriving. Greet the host kindly. If there is a wait, don’t make a huge fuss. It’s up to you to decide whether or not it’s worth it. Restaurants get busy and it’s not the host’s fault.

Napkins. Once you are seated, place your napkin onto your lap with the crease facing you. If the napkin is particularly large, you may fold it in half again. Never take your drink or begin eating without placing your napkin on your lap. When you leave the table or get up for the restroom, fold your napkin (try to hide any food stains you may have left) and place the napkin to the left side of your place setting. (You can thank the 18th Edition of Emily Post’s Etiquette for these tips.)

Menu signals. When you’re settled in, it’s time to look over the menu. Once you have decided what you want to order, close your menu and place it in front of you—this will signal to the wait staff that you are ready to order.

The wait staff. I think a lot of people forget their manners when it comes to the wait staff at a restaurant. It’s important to be appreciative of their service. After all, isn’t it nice to be attended to? Look your waiter in the eye when ordering or asking for something and always say your please and thank yous!

Table tools. When selecting which utensil to use for each course, start with the outermost utensil and work your way in.

The bread basket. If a breadbasket graces your tabletop, tear off one piece and place it onto your bread plate. If you want to butter your bread, take a pat of butter and put it onto your bread plate so you have your own personal butter stash. Never butter your bread directly from the shared butter dish. It’s rude. Finally, tear your bread into bite size pieces and butter as you go.

Turn it down. Please turn your phone to silent or vibrate when you arrive. And try your very best not to text or talk on your phone throughout the meal. If a call or text is particularly urgent, kindly excuse yourself from the table and take care of matters in the restroom. Furthermore, it’s especially important not to try and draw attention to yourself in a dining setting. Translation: Turn down your volume and speak in a soft, pleasant voice. No yelling, loud gawking or anything other audible missteps that might turn heads.

Mind the purse. Believe it or not, you’re not supposed to hang your purse over the back of your chair. I was pretty surprised to learn this. Apparently, you should either leave it on your lap or place it at your feet. And never, ever put your purse on the table. As for our male counterparts, wallets, keys and phones should not be piled onto the table either.

Um, you have something in your teeth. According to Lizzie Post, make eye contact with the individual and signal by lightly tapping your teeth or mouth. If all else fails, just let them know. I would definitely rather someone tell me, wouldn’t you?

Fin! When you are finished with your meal, rest your utensils diagonally across the plate. This is another key restaurant signal that will alert the wait staff that you are done.

What’s the worst dining offense you’ve witnessed?

XO Lauren

P.S. For more details on the intricacies of restaurant dining, I highly recommend the 18th Edition of Emily Post's Etiquette.

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It's the holiday season, which can mean only one thing: It's party time! Whether it’s a holiday soiree, a small get-together, or a fabulous New Year's fete—knowing how to navigate a party with ease and grace is crucial. If your mailbox (or should I say inbox) is flooded with celebratory invites, then this is a must-read for you… Ladies, I present to you the Proper Party Girl Commandments:

Your Arrival

• Thou shall arrive within the first 30 minutes.
• Thou shall seek out the host and graciously thank them for the beautiful party.
• Thou shall provide the host with a small gift such as a bottle of wine or a box of chocolates.
• Thou shall introduce thy guest upon each introduction.
• Thou shalt not bring any unexpected or uninvited guests. Sorry party crashers.

Matters Concerning Drinking

• Thou shalt not drink excessively.
• Thou shalt avoid mixing drinks.
• Thou shalt not present thyself as a hot mess.

With Regards to Eating

• Thou shalt not overeat.
• Thou shalt not double dip. Ever. Ew.
• Thou shalt not walk around with multiple hors d’oeuvres.
• Thou shall toss used napkins and toothpicks in the trash.
• Thou shall check for leftovers in thy teeth before engaging in conversation.

Terms of Conversation

• Thou shalt not corner anyone into a conversation the entire night (unless he’s cute).
• Thou shall avoid topics pertaining to business and other potentially unpleasant matters.
• Thou shalt no complain.

The Departure

• Thou shalt not “pop in” to the party for 10 minutes and leave.
• Thou shall bid the host adieu if it is an intimate gathering. However, if it’s a big party, thou shall quietly leave instead.
• Thou shalt not overstay thy welcome. (Don’t linger…It’s creepy.)
• Thou shalt not ever leave a birthday party before the cake has been served.

What’s the biggest party disaster you’ve ever witnessed?

XO Lauren 

Photo: Alexandra Grecco

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Now that we’re all experts in gift giving etiquette, I thought it would be fun to go over a few of the universal off-limit gifts. These items are typically uncouth to give to particular people for the holidays… Below is a quick reference guide to help you properly shop for all those included on your list.

Unless you’re romantically involved with someone, do not give them perfume or cologne (unless it’s a close family member or a good friend). Aside from having major romantic implications, it could also suggest that you think they smell bad…

Again, intimates are also reserved for those who are romantically tied. Fun pajamas are great, but frilly lingerie—not so much.

While alcohol is usually an excellent gift, mind the recipient. If you know them well and know they drink alcohol, by all means—give them the bubbly! If not, be careful. Last year I decided to do group gifts by giving everyone a bottle of champagne. However, I had to be careful since I knew a few people were sober. In this situation, Lizzie Post, co-author of the 18th Edition of Emily Post's Etiquette, suggests a two-step approach. Firstly, “Is their sobriety public?” If so, you are in the clear to give them an alternative gift such as chocolates. Secondly, if the person is on the quieter side about their sobriety, give everyone the same gift at the party. Or if you are going to be giving gifts in private, ask them ahead of time if they’d prefer to have something else. Post suggests, “Sometimes the best way to go about it is quiet honesty… It’s okay to reach out to someone if you’re coming from a place of love and respect.” This way you can make them feel comfortable and avoid accidently outing their sobriety to others. Also, be cautious of giving alcohol to pregnant women. If you do decide to give a pregnant woman an alcoholic gift, include a note saying it is for them to enjoy after the baby arrives. 

Speaking of taboos, what’s the most inappropriate gift you ever received?

XO Lauren

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Gift giving can be a sticky subject. How much should you spend? Do you give your boss a present? Is re-gifting okay? How do you handle unexpected gifts? These are common questions many of us may find ourselves asking each holiday season. Fortunately, there are some clear-cut rules when it comes to giving gifts…

How much should I spend? First off, forget stressing over giving people things that have the same monetary value of what they gave you. Instead, figure out the nicest thing you can afford within your means. The best way to figure this out is to make a list of everyone you want to give a gift to. Then determine how much you can (not want) to spend on each person. Having a budget will keep your holiday spending in perspective. Gift giving is about being thoughtful and showing appreciation, it’s not about going into debt. 

Who should I give gifts to? Give presents to the people you want to show your appreciation to such as family and close friends. If you are part of a big group and don’t want to leave anyone out, arrange a gift exchange or plan a Secret Santa with a price point that works for everyone ($10 to $25 is most appropriate). As for people who celebrate different holidays, it’s totally okay to give them a present so long as it isn’t anything religious.

What’s the present protocol for work? According to co-author of the 18th Edition of Emily Post’s Etiquette, Lizzie Post, the one person you really shouldn’t give a gift to is your boss. “When you’re in a work environment and there is a team of people working together, if you give your boss a gift it can often come across as trying to buy good favor.” However if you work at a company with 10 people and want to give something to your boss, Post suggests making it a group effort. That way it doesn’t come across as though you’re fishing for brownie points. If you happen to be close friends with your boss, keep it personal and give him or her a gift outside of the office. As for co-workers, Post says to “tread carefully.” While there will inevitably be people you are close to, try not to show favoritism. If you have a personal relationship with someone outside the office, Post advises to give him or her a gift somewhere other than work. Otherwise, if you give one person a card, give everyone a card. Another idea is to bring in a treat for the entire office to share (Check out my Recipe Box for ideas!). Communal gifts that can be shared are ideal.

To re-gift or not to re-gift? Opt for not. Not only is re-gifting dishonest, you will most likely get caught (or be paranoid about getting caught). Re-gifting entirely defeats the purpose of gift giving. Gifts are meant to be a reflection of your gratitude for someone—something that has been thoughtfully selected by you for someone you care about. Re-gifting is both thoughtless and wrong. If you’re strapped for cash, make the gift instead. DIY gifts are from the heart and the recipient will surely appreciate it far more than a random store-bought present.

How do I handle unexpected gifts? If someone gives you a present out of the blue, you are not required to reciprocate. Instead of scrambling for an excuse as to why you do not have a gift for them, graciously accept the gift and say thank you. Stammering for an explanation will only make things worse. And besides, you shouldn’t feel compelled to give just because you received.

Are gift cards and gift receipts okay? Yes! Gift cards are actually very thoughtful since you need to consider the recipient’s interests. And it’s much better than giving someone cash, which many consider gauche. As for gift receipts, it’s always a good idea to include them. It tells the recipient you understand if they don’t like the gift and it’s okay for them to return it in exchange for something they really love.

I hope you found today’s Ladylike Laws post helpful! I’ll be posting a follow up blog about the major no-no gifts next week.

What's the strangest gift you've ever received?

XO Lauren

Photo: Neiman Marcus Holiday Book 2011

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Welcome to my very first Ladylike Laws post! Today I’ll be talking about the do’s and don’ts of first date etiquette. I think it’s safe to say first dates are amongst the most nerve-wracking of social encounters. Everything about a first date is indefinite. The margin for inevitable awkward moments is gaping. To prevent faulty moves on your part, you need to know how to play the first date game. A true lady can navigate even the worst of dates with ease and finesse by knowing what is and isn’t kosher. When you know how to play the game, you’ll be that much more confident and prepared for the unknown. You won’t have to second-guess what to do when the bill comes. And you won’t make yourself look bad by picking the wrong restaurant.

This is where I come in. I’ve put together the basic tenants of first date etiquette for you to keep in your back pocket. Remember these. They will make your next romantic rendezvous seem easy breezy! Here’s what you need to know:

Picking the venue. If you are given the task of selecting a restaurant or activity, pick something that isn’t too over-the-top or expensive. Opt for a something reasonably priced. When it comes to restaurants, pick a place with a wide variety of menu options. (You never know what your mystery man palate requires…he might be vegan or allergic to shellfish!)

Meeting up. Ideally, the guy should pick you up from your home and drive you to the destination of the date. However, if this is not possible, meet at the location and don’t be a second late. It’s also a good idea to give a confirmation call the day before the date to make sure everyone is on the same page. This way you can avoid any confusion.

At the dining table. Throughout the date, sit up straight and maintain good posture. Slouching and leaning on your elbows is considered rude and unladylike. Use your best table manners throughout the meal (I’ll do a blog on restaurant dining etiquette soon!). And absolutely, positively do not look at your cellphone. It communicates boredom and disinterest.

The conversation. Ask questions about your date and listen. It’s in bad taste to talk about yourself the entire time. (Remember that episode of Sex & the City when Carrie nervously blabs on about herself to Aidan throughout their entire date? Don’t do that.) When in doubt, ask him a question. If you’re afraid the conversation will be dull, catch up on current events and pop culture as fallback topics. A few areas of conversation to avoid include politics, religion, money, previous relationships, deep dark secrets and the economy. Most importantly, never be critical in conversation or bad mouth anyone.   

Ordering. Be considerate of what you order. Just because you’re on a date doesn’t give you a free pass to order the most expensive thing on the menu. Instead, pick something at midrange price point. If you’re still unsure, take a cue from your date: Ask him what he is ordering and pick something of equivalent or lesser value. If your date orders an appetizer or starter salad, follow suit and order something to start with as well. That way, you will be eating at the same time and can avoid the awkward “Do I dig in?” or ”I don’t want to sit here and watch you eat.” This same rule of thumb goes for cocktails as well. If you decide to order an alcoholic drink, keep it to a minimum as they can get pricy and you definitely should not get drunk. Let your date learn about you in a sober state. Lastly, order items that are easy to eat and do not require your hands (no sandwiches, burgers, spaghetti etc.). I also suggest staying away from foods with excessive herbs and leafy greens. It’s not worth risking the embarrassment living through 45 minutes of an intimate dinner with oregano lodged between your front teeth. Finally, take it easy on the garlic and onions too.

Eating. Put your knife to work! As you make your way through your meal, cut each bite into a manageable size to avoid looking like a hungry baby bird. Don’t cut it up into pieces first and then eat, instead cut as you go. If you do not finish your meal, do not take it to go. Doggie bags are considered passé on a first date. (I wish I had known this when I started dating!)

Footing the bill. A gentleman should always pay the bill. It may sound old-fashioned, but it’s proper etiquette. The best way to navigate the bill is to subtly offer to pay. It’s important to make sure your date is aware you didn’t go on the date just for a free meal. The best way to do this is to reach for your purse when the bill comes to the table. Most likely your date will tell you not to worry about it and will take care of paying. If he doesn’t stop you, don’t be hurt. At this point, just split the bill. It should be noted that some guys find it insulting when you offer to pay so this is definitely something you need to feel out. Personally, I suggest sticking with the “subtle offer” since it’s the best way to gauge the situation.

The goodbye. Some dates go really well and the chemistry is on point, while others fail to impress. I suppose the silver lining of a bad date is that you walk away with a great story… Needless to say, for most, “the goodbye” is the most puzzling part of the entire date. By the end you should have a pretty good idea whether or not there will be another date. If you’re hoping to rendezvous again, give him a warm hug, thank him for dinner and imply that you’d love to do it again soon. Save your kisses for date #2 (unless he is a cheek kisser). Otherwise, if you can’t get away from him fast enough, shake his hand, thank him for dinner and leave it at that.
I hope you ladies find this helpful!

Out of curiosity, what’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?

XO Lauren

P.S. My next Ladylike Laws post will be about restaurant etiquette. Stay tuned!

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I have always found matters concerning etiquette fascinating. Different customs, traditions and pillars of decorum vary widely across cultures and I love learning about them. (I guess you could say I’m a closet enthusiast of cultural anthropology. And maybe I’m feeling inspired after having read The Help.) Needless to say, in our need-it-now, “Sorry I’m Facebooking!” I’ll-tweet-you-later world, manners have been left by the wayside. So why should we care? Etiquette makes social situations easier to navigate. Furthermore, having good manners is key to showing and gaining respect. By knowing what’s uncouth, you will be more confident in yourself and likely more adored by others! And who doesn’t want to be liked?

In a nutshell, etiquette is a set of social rules adopted by a society or culture over time (Thanks, Emily Post!). Most rules are simply known, while others are documented. Remember all those books we read before starting school? “It is not okay to poke your friends in the eye or kick them in the shins as a means of hello.” Most likely, we wouldn’t know this unless we were taught otherwise. The bottom line here is etiquette sets the norm for how people treat each other (and want to be treated). It’s the unwritten “How to Interact with Other People Guide for Dummies.” 

I bet you have engaged in a dozen variations of proper etiquette today. For starters, you probably woke up this morning, brushed your teeth and got ready for the day. Proper hygiene and timeliness are both ways you exercise etiquette on a daily basis. You also probably greet friends, family and loved ones with warmth and kindness. There it is again—etiquette lurking… All of our daily interactions are in one way or another based on some standard of decorum. It’s when we come upon new, awkward or uncommon social situations that knowing your manners truly matters: first dates, hugging, interviews, wedding gifts, texting, bridal showers, eating sushi, emailing, even pinning on Pinterest (who knew?)… Every aspect of social engagement requires some level of courtesy to others. Here’s where I come in.

I’m not pointing any fingers. I’m guilty of some of the worst offenses. I text during dinner, I forget to write thank you notes, I’m usually running late… Needless to say, I figured this series would be a fun and informative way for us to learn about the general dos and don’ts of modern life. (Queue Rocko’s Modern Life theme song…now.) Now, I’m not going to tell you how to live per say. I am, however, going to provide you with the tools and knowledge you need to navigate uncomfortable and unfamiliar (and a few basic) social situations with a little finesse.

Over the past few weeks, I have finally tackled my stack of etiquette books and am excited to share all the discoveries with you… Did you know you’re not supposed to take home a doggy bag of leftovers on your first date? Ever. Wish I had known this back in high school… Together we will learn all the laws to being a modern day lady!

If you have any requests, leave them in the comments below and I’ll do my best to cover that topic.

My first Ladylike Laws post will be about first dates.

Get excited!

XO Lauren

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